We’re always talking about the differences between the mid-Eastern countries and those of the West. We have one similarity: In both cultures the kids wear retro-clothes from the 1960’s… except theirs is B.C. And that only magnifies the biggest difference between them and us: Fashion.
The people of the mid-East need a new look; they’ve been dressing the same way for 4000 years. It's not as if all of their culture is modeled on ancient history. Their weapons are certainly up to date. For the sake of peace in their region it might be handier if they wore Armani suits and Bob Mackie originals, and simply threw rocks at each other. And I suppose that if they had to hang onto one look they can be thankful it wasn't the Nehru Jacket or the M.C. Hammer/genii-in-the-bottle parachute pants.
From the sartorial perspective they have given up too easily. Like an American man in the mall, they grabbed the first suit off the rack and bolted; or, as if 4000 years ago some guy stepped out of the shower, his wife tossed him a towel and—boom!--there it is: a look that never goes out of style.
I'm no clothes horse myself. I'm fortunate enough to have a wife and three daughters to prevent me from going out in public dressed like a sewer dweller. But I have been thinking about the world’s problems, and, more importantly, solutions to those problems. These musings, I think, are worth publication.
What the mid-east men's fashion needs most is a good hat. Start slowly; curb the inclination to be radical. How about the classic turban with a brim? The best of the old and new worlds. Wear it backwards for the casual look (maybe they already do that with the standard turban, but who can tell?); tilt it at a jaunty angle, like Frank Sinatra on a 60's album comer; display it cockeyed, the brim carelessly sideways like a jihad-sta. If nothing else, it would be an attempt at cool and the Western world wouldn't be so condescending.
How about putting some advertising on those turbans? A Nike 'Swoosh’ or a Dallas Cowboy logo. Add a splash of color; create a pattern, being careful to avoid the Yasser Arafat "black-and-white-checkerboard-picnic-tablecloth" design.
Have a cap day.
The mid-East needs to be told that the Pat Benetar headband they wear is so eighties (of any decade, century, millenia). Re-vamp. Re-design. Re-cycle. The West changes fashion every spring.
Maybe I've gotten ahead of myself. Maybe they should change the style of their shoes first. Western women base their existence on footwear. Western men less so, except for golf shoes, but either way, start with attractive shoes. Then fashion would have no choice but to evolve.
As it is now for mid-East women, sandals go with a robe, but what if they were wearing stilettos? The hem of the Abaya would head north of the mini-skirt.
And what if mid-Eastern men put on Cowboy boots? The caftan would go the way of the fig leaf.
The blurred videos of the alleged Osama bin Laden would showcase him wearing tight Levis tucked into a pair of Tony Lama ostrich boots, a wife beater t-shirt and a crimson-brimmed souvenir turban of the last AC-DC world tour.
How about the veils that the woman wear? The West calls them 'veils', just as we call the yarmulke a 'skullcap', or, in some regions, a 'beanie'. In fact, the 'veil' is a hijab, and the "Prada" of hijabs is the Chiffon Georgette Hijab. Here's a description of it from a mid-eastern apparel catalogue: "Our quality made georgette hijab is a great all-weather choice and excellent for all seasons. This hijab is buttery soft, drapes perfectly, and does not slip. Best of all georgette is breathable and provides complete coverage." Now, a lot of Westerners claim that the hijab is demeaning to mid-eastern women. Mostly you hear this from mid-western women. But from a mid-western man's point of view, a buttery-soft, perfectly draped hijab accenting the sultry eyes of a mid-eastern woman wearing an "I-dream-of-Jeannie" costume provides a mysterious sensuality you won't find in a Hustler pin-up.
I think the mid-East and the West can be friends if both sides just back off a bit.
Close the "Fashion Gap", save the world. That's the battle cry. And as I think more about it I realize that we have one other commonality, a rite that is deeply imbedded into both cultures:
I recently tuned into the evening news. I shook my head sadly as I surveyed crowds of young men with shabby beards screaming and chanting and firing automatic weapons recklessly into the air. "Why?" I thought. "Why do they have to act that way? Don't they know we're watching them and judging them?" Then I suddenly realized it was the evening sports on my television, and that it was a tailgate party preceding the Texas/Oklahoma football game that I had been watching.
Football...Jihad...no difference. Except for the fashion.
