It's FATHER'S DAY...So Give US What WE Want!

FATHER'S DAY! The day when wives, mothers and children get us stuff that they think we want. It seems that no one takes time to get to know the man; to understand him; to pay attention to the hints he leaves laying around the house like underwear and socks. So let me roll it to you: Here's what WE want for Father's Day...

WHAT YOU’LL GET US…

A WATCH—"Ultra-sleek brushed and polished stainless steel bezel encircling the bold blue disk, with 3 sub-dials, two silver tone hands and a date window."

WHAT WE WANT…

TO WATCH—Ultra-sleek oiled and brushed scantily clad super-models wrestling each other in a muddy square, with 3 six-packs, two golden trays of nachos and a camcorder.

WHAT YOU’LL GET
US…

"A 22-piece collection of stainless steel grilling and eating tools nested in a rugged aluminum case, including a monster spatula with serrated cutting edges and a built in bottle opener, a pair of extra long tongs, a big grill fork, a carving knife, a basting brush, four skewers, four
pair of corncob holders, four stainless steel steak knives, and a bristly brush for scraping the grill clean."

WHAT WE WANT…

Somebody to grill us a steak, clean up the mess and supply us with fresh bong water.

WHAT YOU’LL GET
US…
"A Hands-Free, Voice-Activated Universal remote to command the TV, VCR, DVD, Cable, and Satellite dish with the sound of his voice. He just tells his components what to do: “Lower the volume”, 'Change channels', 'Record'. It lets us program up to 54 commands."
WHAT WE WANT…An Argument-Free, “Wave-of-the-hand” Activated device that commands the kids, the dog, the wife, to comply with our every whim. Only needs three commands: “Get me a beer!” “Get me another beer!” And, “I don’t know, ask your mother!”

Here, let me make this as simple as I can:

• Give us a 12-pack of cold Budweiser.
• No fancy chocolates needed; just one of those really big bags of M&M’s.
• You don’t have to take us to dinner; Bring home a couple of Poor Boys and some chips and let us eat over the sink.
• Don’t worry about having to put out any sex. Just let us watch the porno channel tonight.
• In fact, you don’t have to cook us anything, or buy us anything, or tell us anything—just leave us alone for a whole day!

A Father's Day like this will make us very Happy.